The Nine Principles of Positive Discipline

The Nine Principles of Positive Discipline

I first learned about these 9 'tools' at a parenting class in CA  in 2015... wow, how time flies! It's been such a good reminder for myself to read over these tools again today. Maybe they can help you too.  We're always around other folks that we can use these tools with-even ourselves!

1- Be Kind but Firm
2- Be Respectful
3- Modeling
4- Mistakes are opportunities to learn
5- Practice makes better
6- Positive time-outs
7- Connect then correct
8- Discipline over punishment
9- Give choices

1- Be Kind but Firm
 There's no need to yell at or threaten your kids, but set firm limits and most importantly, follow through. If you say you're going to do something, do it. If you can't follow through with a  consequence, then don't set one.

2- Be Respectful
Treat your kids the way you want them to treat you and others. If you want them to yell, then yell at them. If you want them to use manners, then use manners with them.

3- Modeling
Watching you is the number one way your child will learn how to behave. You can say anything, but they are watching and will follow your actions.

4- Mistakes are opportunities to learn.
Everyone makes mistakes so if your child spills the milk or breaks something; use it as a teaching time. Teach them how to clean up the mess (not the broken glass if they are young), or kindly remind them to be careful. If you lose your temper (your mistake), then apologize.

5- Practice makes better
Nobody is perfect so telling out kids they will become perfect if they practice is setting them up for failure. They can always get better though, the more they practice.

6- Positive time-outs
These can be used by both adults and kids. This is a period of time used by the person to calm down. For the kids, they are given 2 choices of where they would like to take the time-out (ie. bedroom reading or table to color) and they stay there until they are ready to come out and talk. The parent does not dictate the length of time the child gets because the parent has no way of knowing when the child has calmed down enough to talk.

7- Connect then correct
This is used in conjunction with the positive time-out. Once the child is calmed down and ready to talk, the parent connects with the child and addresses the issue and then corrects the behavior by giving a consequence. This is a great opportunity to ask the child what he thinks the consequence should be. Even if the time-out lasted 40 minutes because that is what the child needed, it is very important to not forget to correct the behavior.

8- Discipline over punishment
Discipline is a teaching tool and gives your child the tools they need to be responsible adults. Punishment is fear-based and promotes lying and manipulation so that the child doesn't get caught. An example of discipline is having a routine for your child and being sure that it is followed by you and him/her. An example of punishment is spanking, slapping, and washing his/her mouth out with soap.

9- Give choices
Include your children in choices. By allowing them to choose what is served for dinner or have a say in what their consequence should be for lying, you are teaching them responsibility and being respectful. You don't have to follow their suggestion, but the act of asking is huge for them.